Guiding Principles
The following models enrich my capacity to be a resource to you: models of mental health and wellness, the psychology of happiness/ positive psychology, research on successful marriages, attachment theory, human development over the lifespan, unconditional parenting, collaborative problem solving, gender-specific development, eco-psychology, archetypal psychology, multi-cultural counseling, models of spiritual development, mindfulness, stages of forgiveness, stages of motivation for change, cycles that lead to dysfunctional choices (such as substance abuse and abuse of self, others, or property), physiological responses to stress, and brain development as related to early childhood abuse and neglect.
Below are some of my favorite quotes. They inspire me, resonate with my hopes and experiences, and evoke the qualities of a rich and satisfying life. As you read, I hope they will inspire you as well.
On your uniqueness…
“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy that is translated through you; and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique.” Martha Graham
On loving life and living fully…
“Passion is not the quantity of emotion but a quality of commitment.” Rollo May
“What you love is a sign from your higher self of what you are to do.” Sanaya Roman
“ …if you take good care of yourself, you help everyone. You stop being a source of suffering to the world, and you become a reservoir of joy and freshness. Here and there are people who know how to take good care of themselves, who live joyfully and happily. They are our strongest support. Everything they do, they do for everyone” Thick Naht Hanh
“Look to this day for it is life. In its brief course with all the realities and truths of existence, the joy of growth, the glory of action, the splendor of beauty…today well-lived makes every yesterday a memory of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well, therefore, to this day…” Ancient Sanskrit proverb
“Playing Big is an attitude we can develop. By living with gratitude, by approaching life with a sense of adventure, we can deliberately discover and nourish a sense of joy in being alive. It all depends on where you shine your spotlight.” Pam Grout
“It’s time for all of us to risk our significance.” Dawna Markova
On creativity and choices…
“Everything can be taken away from a person but one thing; to be able to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Viktor Frankl
“The capacity to create ourselves …is based upon our freedom to pause between stimulus and response, and in that pause, to choose the one response toward which we wish to throw our weight.” Rollo May
On mindful living…
“The only moment for us to be alive in is the present moment. The past is already gone and the future is not yet here. Only in the present moment can we touch life and be deeply alive.” Thick Naht Hanh
On happiness…
“They only ask, “What is wrong?” So asking the question, “What is right? What is not wrong?” is a good beginning. By asking in this way and paying attention to these fresh elements that are healing and refreshing, we are able to heal ourselves, to grow, and to generate joy and happiness.” Thich Nhat Hanh
“There is suffering in the present moment, but there is also peace, stability, and freedom. With peace in our hearts, happiness is possible.” Thick Naht Hanh
On change…
“If I were to wish for anything I should not wish for wealth and power, but for the passionate sense of what can be, for the eye, which ever loving and ardent, sees the possible. And what vision is so sparkling, what so fragrant, what so intoxicating as possibility?” Soren Kierkegaard
On loving communication…
“The way we speak and listen can offer others joy, happiness, self-confidence, hope, trust, and enlightenment.” Thick Naht Hanh
On loving relationships…
“True love always brings joy to ourselves and to the one we love” Thick Naht Hanh
On parenting…
“Children do well if they can.” Ross W. Greene, Ph.D
“How we feel about our kids is not as important as how they experience those feelings and how they regard the way we treat them. Our main question shouldn’t be, “How do I get my child to do what I say?” but “What does my child need- and how can I meet those needs?” Alfie Kohn
The Guiding Principles of Unconditional Parenting, by Alfie Kohn
1. Be reflective
2. Reconsider your requests
3. Keep your eye on your long-term goals
4. Put the relationship first
5. Change how you see, not just how you act
6. R-E-S-P-E-C-T
7. Be authentic
8. Talk less, ask more
9. Keep their ages in mind
10. Attribute to children the best possible motive consistent with the facts
11. Don’t stick your no’s in unnecessarily
12. Don’t be rigid
13. Don’t be in a hurry
On family and community…
“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family- whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” Jane Howard
On greatness…
“Virtually every great accomplishment of movement was started by someone who believed passionately in something. And someone who believed passionately in that person.” Margaret Warren
On compassionate living… and the freedom to love deeply...
“Buddhist communication aims, first of all, at restoring communication with ourselves. We are seldom there for ourselves…go back and take care of yourself. Your body needs you, your feelings need you, your perceptions need you. The wounded child in you needs you. Your suffering, your blocks of pain need you. Your deepest desire needs you to acknowledge it…practice mindful walking and mindful breathing. Do everything in mindfulness so you can be really there, so you can love.” Thick Naht Hanh
